Man, this summer was a bit overwhelming for me. I'm really looking forward to starting back to school and having something to focus on other than myself and the stuff going on around me.
There have been a lot of ups and downs the past 3 months. A lot of stress, a lot of dreams that crumbled and now its the "rebuilding" phase. I'm ready for it. One can only take so much demolition. It is very tiring.
This next year should go by pretty fast..in theory.. My last year of grad school and last year of school for a while until I get the school bug again and go back for my PhD. or find another Grad program that I want to do. "My name is Jenn and I'm a Schoolaholic" ;-) I don't know what it is, but I enjoy the challenge and structure of school.
I'm about half way done with my literature review for my thesis. I should be done with it by now but have had a few distractions lately keeping me from really focusing on it.
On a positive note, Crys was offered a job position. Not the one we were hoping for, and for less money than she was making with the County, but it is one that will help her accumulate her LCSW hours, which will pay off in the long run. Interesting enough, she got a job for the same company I'll be doing my 2nd year internship at. Luckily we will be at different locations so there won't be a "conflict of interest".
I'll be interning at a shelter for women doing mental health and AOD counseling. I'm a little nervous. My speciality is working with children but decided I wanted to step out of my comfort zone my last year and gain more solid skills in working with adults. Should prove to be interesting.
This is such a scary time for me. I'm headed towards the end of a long educational road and not sure what will come of it all during this tough economic time. I hope that my experience in working with children with spectrum disorders makes me valuable. Its something I'm very passionate about, and would love to continue to do after I'm done with grad school. I guess only time will tell.
Its very strange...I feel like this is a time where I need and want a lot of comfort and support but i'm having a hard time accepting it once its offered. I'm hoping to overcome that challenge soon.
Anywho, thats my little update. Hope you all are doing well and enjoying the last bits of summer. I'll make it around to your pages soon.
About Me
- Jade
- I'm a nearly 30 something trying to find my place in this world. I've had many hurdles thrown in my path, yet I keep on keepin on. I have a deep feeling within that tells me I have a purpose, so..until I discover what that purpose is, I will continue to journey. Taking each day as it comes.
8 comments:
Ah...you will be fine. I know you sweetie. There's a turn in the road up ahead. And you just hang on...it's going to a wonderful ride from there...for you and crys. And I think she is one lucky girl to have your love.
later sweetie. xxx
Hi Jenn, I'm Percy! I was reading over a few of your blog postings, and I want to hear me say: You are quite an awesome person! You're a dedicated athlete, a "Schoolaholic" working on your 2nd Masters degree, you've been to MAUI recently, you've survived and are thriving after an assault, you're challenging yourself even more while you are in school with your internship for the purpose of learning and gaining experience, and you enjoy working with children! Wow! All in a days work, huh? Well, I just wanted to let you know I think you're awesome from what I've read so far - you so deserve a gold star - and you show others how you are a great friend to have by your actions - you are very supportive to others and appreciative of thier comments and posts (for just 1 example)! Reading your postings was kinda like a breath of fresh air! Like, hey, there are people like YOU who exist! People who talk about feelings, share whats going on, support other people, are passionate about things in life, are compassionate to their loved ones, are eager to learn! Crys is a blessed gal! Hope you are having a wonderful day! And I hope this message finds you in great spirits! Your postings have definitely helped brightened my spirits! Have a great time in school!!! But don't avoid thinking about yourself every now and then!!! You're important too! I know you know that, but sometimes, it feels nice to know that others recognize that we need a little TLC from our friends every now and then, too!
I'll be looking forward to hearing about your work in the shelter. Whatever you can ethically share of course. Hopefully this fall/winter will be easier on you and you will enjoy your last year.
Hey Jenn,
You're really going to laugh. I responded to your comment on my blog. But apparently I wrote too much...so instead of cutting the comment in half, and having 2 posts, I just decided to email it to you...after I proof read it. WELL...hehehe, yeah, uh, I just realized, that in that "comment" that I was going to "post" I told you that I'd sent you an email a little while ago...which by the time you open your mail about this "comment" I emailed to you, you'll see that I emailed you earlier...anyway. Just didn't want you to think I was a complete idiot...I do hope you got a good laugh out of this, though. It's so healthy!
Oh, Jade! I'm glad you're updating us and I'm sorry things are so scary. I can understand why they would be. I'll be sending you lots of safe and healthy transition vibes this last year.
Take care, deary heart. (((((((Jade)))))))
Hi Jenn, it's Percy. I was doing some further processing of your posts, and was thinking about what you said when you wrote: "I feel like this is a time where I need and want a lot of comfort and support but i'm having a hard time accepting it once its offered."
I've noticed you're quite good at not [jumping in and offering quick advice] to others, but instead, you step back and say, [this is what I hear you say you're having trouble with, how can you best handle that situation using YOUR coping strategies?] So, I would like to encourage you to break down your statement: "I feel like this is a time where I need and want a lot of comfort and support but I'm having a hard time accepting it once its offered."
What makes this time a time where you feel you need and want a lot of comfort and support.
Then...what is "blocking" you or "preventing" you or "challenging" you from allowing yourself to accept it easily once it's offered?
I choose to focus on this point in your post, because, as you said, "There have been a lot of ups and downs the past 3 months. A lot of stress, a lot of dreams that crumbled and now it’s the "rebuilding" phase. I'm ready for it. One can only take so much demolition. It is very tiring."
And, the "rebuilding" phase, in my opinion, tends to go more smoothly when there is a lot of comfort and support to cushion it. From what I've read in your previous postings, I gather that some of your "dreams" that were "crumbled" may include but may not be limited to: the fact that you are still living in an apt instead of a house, like you have been trying to do for sooooo long; your health has been up and down; you have been dealing with seizures and concussions! Ouch!; your committed relationship sounds like, even after 7 yrs, it hasn't developed a fully effective communication system; you were almost killed by a stupid 18 wheeler driver!!!!! (Those are simply observations; I do not expect that I am 100% accurate as I know I'm not perfect.) After having to deal with all that, plus whatever you didn't post / whatever you posted in detail on in your bold blended blog that I haven't read, I'd say a feeling of "needing and wanting a lot of comfort and support" would be a somewhat universal sensation - to say the least.
You also seem to be one who learns from experiences.
I say these things to say: Have you thought about the possibility that your [hesitation to accept comfort and support] might be due to your re-evaluating who you have in your life, that you can trust?
A few friends and I have recently discussed the importance of quality vs quantity when it comes to friendship. Now, it seems you have learned that lesson already. However, people do change, some times for the better, some times for the not so better. Some times people go through a slump...and in those times, it's important we don't solely depend on those people for our comfort / support, as they generally don't have it to give to themselves, and therefore cannot give it to others.
I say that to say: Are there people in your life who may have offered support in the past or are maybe offering support now that:
a) your trust level in/with has recently changed? - that can definitely affect whether you feel comfortable accepting their comfort / support
b) people in your life who may have recently changed in some way...and you haven't gotten the opportunity to figure out either: what that change is, what that change means, whether that change is a good change, or whether that change is a not so good change...and therefore can not decide whether or not accept their comfort and support as dependable
c) have you changed in your personal views on an issue? Some times when a person has a specific strong view on an issue that opposes another's view, it can get between those people, especially if either of you do not identify your own opinions enough to be able to put them aside (I'm sure you've heard of this, being in social work and therapist stuff. This doesn't sound like you, but I don't know you really well, other than reading some postings, so I'm going to throw it out there)
d) are there issues that have been brought up lately, such as in therapy? You mentioned lately you were seeing a therapist, but that she past away. I'm very sorry to hear that. I often think about how or where I would go if something like that happened to my therapist. I'm very, very sorry for your loss. If there are any kind of issues that have recently brought up previous traumas / PTSD "stuff", then that could make someone hesitant to accept support from others he/she usually trusts.
e) are you nervous about school / internship? Sometimes, people who are very successful, such as yourself, don't want to / feel comfortable, after being sooo successful, with letting their guard down and talking about insecurities. You're starting an internship in a "new" area. Is this on your mind?
These are just a few things I thought of off the top of my head.
Just wanted you to know someone was thinking about you!
Hope you're having a great day
Percy
Spiky, thanks for the words of support. I know you know what it requires to be resilient, and you and I are both resilient chicky's
Percy, Wow you've got a lot of insight and I appreciate your comments. I have my blog for several reasons. It started off as a way for me to keep in touch with certain people. Then it became a way for me to process things through writing. Its a form of self communication as well as helping me feel as though I'm in my own little support community. I don't really try to lend avice to anyone, that's not my style unless specifically asked. I've learned though life and education that advice though meant with good intentions can backfire, and with the internet being my only communication with them,I choose to keep it safe. So on my blog the people I interact with are my friends not my clients ;-)
Raine- :-) nice to hear from you. I'm sure I will have a few anonymous rants to share during this next year of internship. Hope you are doing well.
Marj- thank you for the love darlin. It is always appreciated. Hope you are doing well. You are thought about often.
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