Hey all hope this finds you doing well. It has been quite some time since I have had the ability to post. Life has been changing so much around me. I finally got my stomach issues resolved. But my back is still hurting. Due to my back hurting I decided I would no longer be able to work with my autistic population so I found a different job in a different area of work. I am now supervising coordinator and an eating Recovery facility. It is a partial hospitalization program that is 12 hours a day 7 days a week. the work is super challenging but it is such a cool job. I work with very is mental health disorders along with the co occurring eating disorder so needless to say leave job is mentally stimulating. there are several awesome benefits to this job. One benefit is that I get three meals a day they cooked by a registered dietitian. I also get free coffee all day long. And my job facility is right next to a river so I'm at a beautiful environment. I am also receiving it free supervision to wards my LCSW.
things at home are great. I just received a very beautiful engagement ring. I will try to get a picture posted soon. Are puppy is growing up so fast. I came home from work today and found that her and her sister had hunted a squirrel and they were very proud of themselves. I on the other hand was quite gross out.
I hope to be able to make it around everybody's pages soon. It just seems like my days go by so quickly.
Until next time!
About Me
- Jade
- I'm a 30 something trying to find my place in this world. I've had many hurdles thrown in my path, yet I keep on keepin on. I have a deep feeling within that tells me I have a purpose, so..until I discover what that purpose is, I will continue to journey. Taking each day as it comes.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Monday, December 31, 2012
2013
Just wanted to wish you all a very wonderful start to 2013. I've known many of you for close to 10 years now and hope to continue our sharing and support for years to come.
Happy new years everyone!!
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Just sharing some smiles from my past year
I just thought I would post a fe pictures of my past year to share with you guys
Christen and Georgia dressed up for Halloween 
just us hanging out
Georgia passed out
this year's Christmas tree in our new home
this year's pumpkins
our other dog pickle in her rain jacket
Christen at the jellyfish exhibit at Monterey Bay Aquarium
the engagement ring I bought Christen for her 30th birthday. She said yes :-)
the lights on outside of our house for the first Christmas here
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Creeping Memories and Dreams
I have to say first off, this could be triggering to some so please proceed with caution. i will try to watch how i state things. I have been doing really well with dealing with assault flashes/memories for the past few years. I found a great counselor who helped to balance me out. I met some great friends in my MSW program who are very supportive and understanding and I'm with a wonderful person who respects me and my body. But for the past month I have been having HORRIBLE dreams. The type where you wake up from it. Walk around, go back to sleep and go right back into the dream.
It is so hard to feel balanced after nights like that. It started just after having my gallbladder removed. Could be that I have a lot of abdominal discomfort still from it and it leads to dreams like that... I'm not sure. But I feel like I've gotten past that part of my life to such a large degree that it is so hard for it to creep back in.
I'm really good at compartmentalizing my own stuff vs others issues, but when I have nights where I dream like this it is hard for me to be grounded enough to truly hear other people.
It is however nice to not go into "crisis mode" like I used to. I become uncomfortable, and a little distant but I dont go into crisis and I can still function. I guess thats a giant plus in the grand scheme of things. I'm also becoming much better at talking about whats going on with me and not just going inside myself like I used to. I guess to break it down, I dont intentionally trigger myself anymore or keep digging in once I'm "down".
It is however difficult to wake up and shake it off. I wont brush that off. Its hard to not be angry about this event in my life and that it will always be there to some degree. Scars, memories, dreams, moods, seizures.
Reading back on this post its kind of nice to see how much I've grown in this area. I used to post out of crisis. Now I'm simply posting out of outreach for understanding and expressing my feelings. Whether I get a response on this or not I will get past it. I didn't always believe that to be true.
It is so hard to feel balanced after nights like that. It started just after having my gallbladder removed. Could be that I have a lot of abdominal discomfort still from it and it leads to dreams like that... I'm not sure. But I feel like I've gotten past that part of my life to such a large degree that it is so hard for it to creep back in.
I'm really good at compartmentalizing my own stuff vs others issues, but when I have nights where I dream like this it is hard for me to be grounded enough to truly hear other people.
It is however nice to not go into "crisis mode" like I used to. I become uncomfortable, and a little distant but I dont go into crisis and I can still function. I guess thats a giant plus in the grand scheme of things. I'm also becoming much better at talking about whats going on with me and not just going inside myself like I used to. I guess to break it down, I dont intentionally trigger myself anymore or keep digging in once I'm "down".
It is however difficult to wake up and shake it off. I wont brush that off. Its hard to not be angry about this event in my life and that it will always be there to some degree. Scars, memories, dreams, moods, seizures.
Reading back on this post its kind of nice to see how much I've grown in this area. I used to post out of crisis. Now I'm simply posting out of outreach for understanding and expressing my feelings. Whether I get a response on this or not I will get past it. I didn't always believe that to be true.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Update
Thought i would drop a quick post for those that still check in. I've been dealing with some health issues that have left me warn out and lazy. foor the past 3 months ive had a "mysterous" stomach problem. All tests showed nothing wrong but I was in quitee a bit of pain and lost 30 pounds over a 3 month period. After tons of research I knew it was my gallbladder but the GI i was seeing thought i was crazy. Finally I went over his head and consulted with a surgeon. The next day he took out my gallbladder. I am now two week out from the surgery and feeling much better. Now i just need to get my back injury resolved and I'll be back to good. Dispite the health issues life is good. Love is good. The new house is great and our puppy is keeping me busy. I hope you all are doing well and will be around to your pages soon.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Still not the best
Not sure why I still come to my blog, but I think I will always keep it. It seems to be a great way for me to look back and measure... Its for me. I realize that most dont come here anymore but for those who do I thought I'd jot a little down for ya'll as well. I know I think about you guys often and worry if I haven't seen you post in a while.
Things are still not the best. The body trimmers have stopped but I am still having some pretty big issues somewhere. It hasn't been figured out yet which is the hardest part. I can't really eat anything other than rice, toast, and rice noodle soup. If I do veer from that it is very painful and I end up vomiting 70% of the time.
For those of you that know me well you know that I like to work out and have muscle. I have lost so much of my muscle in the past 2 months and have lost almost 30 pounds. Its a good thing I still had my "grad school" weight to lose or I'd be really off looking.
I've realized through this process that I dont really have many friends. It has been a tough realization. One I kind of knew all alone. It takes a lot for me to consider someone an actual friend vs an acquaintance. I did however think that if it got bad people would step up. Well... I was wrong. No one has stepped up. No one calls. No cards. My brother had a daughter 2 months ago and I can not make the 2 1/2 hour drive down there and he hasn't offered to bring her up to meet me. None of my family have come to see my new house. Its been tough. Every once and a while someone will leave a FB post or something but no actual face to face support from anyone except Christen, and even thats been rocky at times.
I've learned quite a bit about myself the past two months. I've learned that I can handle getting stuck by needles 8 times in one day. I've learned that being chronically ill challenges every aspect of who you are and who you want to be on a daily basis. It humbles you... Or me at least. I've learned that I have not appreciated the health that I had before. I've noticed that my patience has grown tremendously. From waiting in traffic to listening to one of Christen's VERY detailed stories that could be summed up in 2 minutes. I've learned that I can take care of a pitbull puppy even when I feel like shit (which is like having a toddler!) And I have learned that I have much more spiritual faith in my soul that I once though.
I've learned so much in the past 2 months. I just haven't learned whats wrong with my body yet. 2 months ago I hurt my back at work. A month ago I had ovarian cysts removed and ever since then its just been getting progressively worse. Tomorrow I will spend the day getting myself back and forth to drs apts while trying not to throw up on myself or fall asleep in a parking lot. I have a 3 hr test of some sort tomorrow to check my gallbladder, and another apt for my back.
Last thing I've learned so far... its tough getting places alone when you dont feel well.
Hope you all are having a easier time than I am at the moment.
Be Well
Things are still not the best. The body trimmers have stopped but I am still having some pretty big issues somewhere. It hasn't been figured out yet which is the hardest part. I can't really eat anything other than rice, toast, and rice noodle soup. If I do veer from that it is very painful and I end up vomiting 70% of the time.
For those of you that know me well you know that I like to work out and have muscle. I have lost so much of my muscle in the past 2 months and have lost almost 30 pounds. Its a good thing I still had my "grad school" weight to lose or I'd be really off looking.
I've realized through this process that I dont really have many friends. It has been a tough realization. One I kind of knew all alone. It takes a lot for me to consider someone an actual friend vs an acquaintance. I did however think that if it got bad people would step up. Well... I was wrong. No one has stepped up. No one calls. No cards. My brother had a daughter 2 months ago and I can not make the 2 1/2 hour drive down there and he hasn't offered to bring her up to meet me. None of my family have come to see my new house. Its been tough. Every once and a while someone will leave a FB post or something but no actual face to face support from anyone except Christen, and even thats been rocky at times.
I've learned quite a bit about myself the past two months. I've learned that I can handle getting stuck by needles 8 times in one day. I've learned that being chronically ill challenges every aspect of who you are and who you want to be on a daily basis. It humbles you... Or me at least. I've learned that I have not appreciated the health that I had before. I've noticed that my patience has grown tremendously. From waiting in traffic to listening to one of Christen's VERY detailed stories that could be summed up in 2 minutes. I've learned that I can take care of a pitbull puppy even when I feel like shit (which is like having a toddler!) And I have learned that I have much more spiritual faith in my soul that I once though.
I've learned so much in the past 2 months. I just haven't learned whats wrong with my body yet. 2 months ago I hurt my back at work. A month ago I had ovarian cysts removed and ever since then its just been getting progressively worse. Tomorrow I will spend the day getting myself back and forth to drs apts while trying not to throw up on myself or fall asleep in a parking lot. I have a 3 hr test of some sort tomorrow to check my gallbladder, and another apt for my back.
Last thing I've learned so far... its tough getting places alone when you dont feel well.
Hope you all are having a easier time than I am at the moment.
Be Well
Friday, August 17, 2012
The latest
Hey all,
I'm sorry I have not made it around to your blogs lately or responded to your post on my blog. A lot has happened in the past month and a half with my health. Starting with my back injury, a MRI was done, a unrelated "mass" was found in my abdomen during that MRI that lead to tons more test ending in a Diagnosis of Poly Cystic Ovaryian Syndrom and a Laporoscopy to drain cysts on my ovaries as well as a DNC. That all happened last wed. Since then I have developed symptoms of not being able to control my body movements. I can control it for a brief period of time and them my body takes over and it twitches on its own, which is very painful. So to avoid that I have to continue to move on my own. I'm not sleeping, I can't eat. I've lost 25 pounds in a month and a half. Drs cant figure it out and I'm very scared.
My local support system has completely let me down. I'm not one to outwardly ask for help often but I have been during this all and I have been repeatedly let down. Christen is having to work to help support us financially while I'm out of work right now so I'm basically doing this alone. My heart is truly hurt by the actions of my local support network. I am someone who will go far out of their way to help a friend in need, no matter what the level of severity. I, someone who rarely if ever asks for help however get 3 responses out of a massive plea for help. (the 3 responses were "sorry I can't help today")
I have been poked with more needles than I can count, my body hurts so bad, and my mind is starting to go from lack of nutrition and sleep. At the moment I am waiting for a neurologist referral to go through. I dont really know what to do from here.
So that is me at the moment friends. Please know that I am still thinking about you all and hoping you are all doing well. I check my email more than I do blogger these days so if you need or want to contact me feel free to email me at ibjennalee@gmail.com.
Be well all.
I'm sorry I have not made it around to your blogs lately or responded to your post on my blog. A lot has happened in the past month and a half with my health. Starting with my back injury, a MRI was done, a unrelated "mass" was found in my abdomen during that MRI that lead to tons more test ending in a Diagnosis of Poly Cystic Ovaryian Syndrom and a Laporoscopy to drain cysts on my ovaries as well as a DNC. That all happened last wed. Since then I have developed symptoms of not being able to control my body movements. I can control it for a brief period of time and them my body takes over and it twitches on its own, which is very painful. So to avoid that I have to continue to move on my own. I'm not sleeping, I can't eat. I've lost 25 pounds in a month and a half. Drs cant figure it out and I'm very scared.
My local support system has completely let me down. I'm not one to outwardly ask for help often but I have been during this all and I have been repeatedly let down. Christen is having to work to help support us financially while I'm out of work right now so I'm basically doing this alone. My heart is truly hurt by the actions of my local support network. I am someone who will go far out of their way to help a friend in need, no matter what the level of severity. I, someone who rarely if ever asks for help however get 3 responses out of a massive plea for help. (the 3 responses were "sorry I can't help today")
I have been poked with more needles than I can count, my body hurts so bad, and my mind is starting to go from lack of nutrition and sleep. At the moment I am waiting for a neurologist referral to go through. I dont really know what to do from here.
So that is me at the moment friends. Please know that I am still thinking about you all and hoping you are all doing well. I check my email more than I do blogger these days so if you need or want to contact me feel free to email me at ibjennalee@gmail.com.
Be well all.
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