Short update

Man life is going way too fast right now. Hehe I almost got into an arguement with a co-worker today over the date. She said it was the 4th of November and I could not believe it. I thought..ok.. maybe the 2nd....but the 4th... I lost tract of two days.. can someone actually be that busy?

My semester is 3/4 of the way done. So far I'm pulling A's in all of my classes. The class part of this education program is not hard at all, it is the internship that is wearing me out. My internship is 2 1/2 days a week and it is that that tops me off. I get a lot of clients in my day... all with very different emotional and or chemical reasons for meeting with me. I love it, dont get me wrong, but it is definintely draining.

I have recently posted on my Bold Blend blog if you're a member of that there is a small update in there.

Other than that there's not much to update on. The house is still in limbo some where in "Short Sale Land" I'm hoping to hear something by the end of the month.

I hope this finds you all doing well. Thank you to those who continue to check in on me even when I'm slacking on my blogger updates.

:-)

Hey Ya'll

Oooffff. It has been a doozy of a time lately. School, work, internship, house hunting, health problems.... Thank God its all starting to slow down.

So... let me start off in order... My fall semester is almost half way over. I'm a 1/4 of the way through my 2nd masters degree. Some tough news hit about a month ago though. A very amazing professor of mine that I was lucky enough to have for my MSW program as well as for this program passed away. She had been fighting bone cancer for a few years. She was on top of it for a while and then it just overcame her. It was heartbreaking. She really did have a great influence in how I see myself as a professional...

I am still working with Capitol Autism Services through all of this craziness of school. I love that job and the kids and families I work with. I have kept two clients. A 2 year old and a 5 year old. These two little boys make me smile sooooo much. Who would think that work would be a great escape from lifes stressors. I often hear "Jenn how are you working while going to school full time and having a internship?" My answer is " How could I not??" these kids keep me sane. They help me remember that my life is not as hard as I may think at times. They help me to stay young and silly, and they give the BEST HUGS! hehe

Crys and I just got a call from our realitor staying that a bank has accepted our offer on a house. Yes...again.... Maybe this time the contract will actually close and we'll ACTUALLY end up with a house. Its small... A 3 bedroom 2 bath in a older neighborhood. The best news is that I think we may walk away with a house payment just over 1,000. Can't really complain about that! This house is a shortsale so it could be a long process.. We'll see....

Lastly...my health. Its been a wild two months thats for sure. A few of you may remember about a year ago I had to have a lump removed from my breast. Well it came back fairly fast and larger. Sept 16th I had the almond sized growth removed and a week had to start 4 weeks of radiation. I have 1 more radiation treatment friday and then I'm done! YAY ! My doc seems to be very optimistic about it all. He likes the margins and the way my body responded to the radiation. So hopefully this will never be an issue again. If it is... Well.... I may just have to make the choice to be boobless! And I'm ok with that if I never have to have surgery or radiation again...

Crys has been amazing through it all. Of course we have had our tense moments but over all i could not ask for a more supportive..loving partner. I can't even begin to imagine my life without her.

So...thats my update. Im pretty much just living day to day trying to stay on top of everything. Ive never been so close to achieving my goals. I'm more than half way done with getting all the letters behind my name that I need to do what I want as a profession. I just might be getting a house with the person I love. I am blessed to have a job that enriches my life and I'm thankful for my awesome doctors.

Winter is coming fast. The holidays are creeping up...bleh... With that said I hope you all are taking care of yourselves. Wash your hands! You don't want to get H1N1 for Christmas! Wear warm clothes and know that even though I dont post as often as i'd like during this time of my life, I still often go to your pages and check in on you.

Hugs to you all!
Thanks for checking in on me :-)

What Jenn is Up To

Ohhh my friends... I am so sorry for the lapse in blogs. I have no good excuse other than that I am totally overloaded with life. But before I go into my update I want to thank you all so very much for checking in on me and lending support even in my absence. It means more to me than I can express at the moment.

August 13th I was blessed with my first niece. Her name is Hailey. She was 6 pounds 9 ounces when born and I never thought I would stop crying once she was placed in my arms. Everyone said she looked like me. It was one of the most surreal moments of my life thus far... I live 2 and a half hours a way from her which hurts my feelings. I want and NEED to be in her life. Its going to prove to be challenging that's for sure. Especially since my parents don't want to see Crys. It is so very emotionally conflicting for me. I want Crys to share our niece and she wants to as well...but my parents are trying their hardest to cause a fuss because they want to share the experience with me but I chose to bring Crys when I go down there. I'd love to share it with them too... but they are making the choice to only see me under specific circumstances. I did not get butt ass drunk and come out at a wedding just to pretend I wasnt in a 8 year relationship with Crys.

Another round of school will be starting for me on the 31st. Yet another huge stresser thats popped up. On a positive note I was given a fantastic internship. I will be doing crisis intervention with families and their children ages 4-18. This should provide me with the clinical experience i've been craving. I was also offered a stipend after my interview with the agencey if I agreed to work 6 extra hours beyond what CSUS is requiring of me. I feel blessed with that offer since finances are tight right now.

We are still looking for a house. The amount we are willing to pay has definitely decreased... but we are still looking. We've been in contract 4 times so far and things have always desinigrated. So.... we just keep on keepin on with that one.....

I guess the last thing to mention is my health. Its not the best at the moment. The lump that was removed a while back is back... and bigger... It is this that is zapping most of my energy. THe worry, stress, and fear is driving me crazy. And trying to balance it with everything else in life is proving to be one of the biggest challanges I've ever faced. I don't know how to comfort myself around this right now. I'm having a hard time sleeping... maybe getting 4-5 hrs a night, I am having a hard time eating.... my stomach is constantly burning..... By the end of the day I'm finding it very hard to be nice to crys since it normally takes most of my energy to stay in my "Professional Role" and I have very little 3-D support at the moment. There are no quick answers with this one. Its one day at a time, one test at a time until its over. Thats the tough part for me. I want to know now, and I want it to be over with tomorrow. Not gonna happen though and thats making my skin crawl.

So there you have it my friends. A very short version of a very long story. I'm gonna add a few pictures of my past few months. Pictures can say things words cant express.
So with that said, thank you my friends for checking in on me, praying for me, and keeping me in your thoughts. It means so so much to me, even though I haven't been showing it like I should.
Thank you!


Of course the first pict is of me and the princess. Not the best picture of me but perfect of her! Then the second is of Crys and the wee one and last is my brother with his little princess!

The 411 on me

Its been a while since I've posted. And again, through the request and encouragement of my blogger friends I'm sitting down to share the "low down" on me.

Honestly....it's a wild time in my life. I dont even know where to start really. We're still looking for houses. We have put in so many offers I can't even number them anymore. They all get outbid by others with a higher down payment. And the two that have been excepted somehow slipped through our fingers due to shadiness or technicalities. So... the search continues as interest rates rise.

Work is going good but tiring. I've recently had a client graduate from my program, which feels like a huge accomplishment on both of our parts. Now lets just hope that the parents keep up on the training. Thats always what nags at me. I know that half of the parents I work with will fall back into old routines after a certain amount of time without me in their house and the child will regress back to a certain degree. It sucks...but I can only do my part... My other clients are doing really well. I've even got my two year old client using sign language now. It took 4 months of constant bombardment but he's catching on. He can sign "more" "all done" and "help" and he is also catching on to PECS (picture exchange communication systems) to express his needs since he is non verbal at this time. So I think he and I are both feeling successful in that.

My anxiety has flared up again. I hate when this happens. Anxiety for me triggers other things, thoughts, and habits that I'd rather forget about... But...I suppose thats my body's way of saying I need to give it more love and attention. Today was actually my first appointment with a new counselor. The shitty thing is, is that she has taken over the office of my old counselor that passed away from cancer not too long ago. I knew I'd be in the same building but I was really hoping to not be in the same office. When she opened Kathy's old door all I could say was "shit". It was very odd walking in there again. I was honest with her and told her that it was tough being in the same room with her as I was with Kathy. Thankfully she has a great personality and I warmed up to her quickly. I used to judge myself for going to counseling, but now...I realize that I've been through a lot of really tough shit in my life, and to be the kind of person I want to be on a daily basis, to be the kind of professional I want to be, and to live the way I want to live...I just might have to drop in and talk to a counselor every once and I while. I mean shit...we all have issues...right? I haven't met a person alive that hasn't had something they've needed to process out with an objective person... So...as weird as it is being in that office again, I'm going to give it a shot.

Crys and I went camping last weekend up in Tahoe. It was really nice to get away. We went up friday and came back sunday. There is something really relaxing about staring into a fire on a cold black night. We took Pickle with us (the new dog) she was covered in sap after the first 10 minutes but she seemed to enjoy herself. I was ready to come home on sunday and take a shower but sad at the same time when we had to leave.

Crys just recently was informed that her position was going to be cut to half time. That has been a HUGE stressor. After two days of panicing she got news that there was probably going to be funding to keep her at full time, but we wont know until the end of the week. If she went to half time life as we know it would change drastically! Especially with me cutting back work so I can go back to school yet again... So...here's hoping that there's funding for her position.

My sister-in-laws baby shower is this weekend so I have to make the drive down to fresno on Friday to help my mom set up and cook for it. I really hate that drive. Two hours on the 99 is no fun. Plus spending the night there is always anxiety provoking. Especially now that she knows about Crys and a emanate argument is always just around the corner, but...this is for my sister in law and for my little niece that is going to enter the world soon...so Its worth it.

So...thats about it in a nut shell. I'm sure I could go on and on, but I will spare you my friends and readers. I'm sorry for not getting to your pages as often as I would like to but so much has been going on lately. I feel like I'm on a high wire without a net below me. I have very few friends with the mental and emotional maturity to talk to about this stuff, my family has pretty much dropped me since coming out, and Crys is very stressed about work, which leaves me very tired at the end of the day.

I truly hope you are all doing well, and please know that even thought I may not get to the pages I think about my blogger buddies on a daily basis.
Hugs to you all!

Requested

In the past week I've gotten a few requests to drop a update on my blog. I didn't realize how long it had been since I had posted. But thank you to those of you who have checked in on my in between posts. It is much appreciated.


So...Whats new....let's see... Well...I'm going back to school again. Hahaha, yep I was accepted into the ABA program. I applied on a whim and didn't really expect to get in beings that most programs are impacted at the moment. But... I did, and Im going to do it. I guess I'm glutton for punishment. But... After a year off I'm ready for another round of education ;-) One can never have too much, eh?

As for the house hunting. Well...its ridiculous. Long story short... The house that I posted about a while ago was put back on the market. The selling bank pulled some shady shit and waited out the contract.. So...they put it back on the market as a "cash only" buy.... Well...it seems that no one has 150k to just throw at a house without financing, so.. the house went down in price by 7k and put back on the market for all to buy... I put another offer in on it with a clause in the contract that the selling bank had to pay up to 5k for any repairs needed to ensure it inspection ready. The bank came back with the notorious "Best and Final offer". I stayed with my offer, and now I'm just waiting to hear back... My realtor seems to think its going to hold and that after all this bullshit I'm going to get it...but I'm not keeping my hopes up. It would be funny though if after all of this, I got the house and for 7k less than my original offer. Would serve them right!

Crys and I got a puppy. Her name is Pickle. She is a petite, black, half terrier/half Chihuahua. Crys found her in the parking lot of her work. She is very sweet, but she has attachment issues, was a teen mother and its obvious that her previous owners mistreated her. She's lucky to have found a home with two MSW's. Hehehe. I thought my cat was going to eat her as a snack beings that "MooCow the cat" is a very large cat. Crys calls her Mancoon. But..they surprisingly get along pretty well. They are not friends by any means, but they haven't gotten into it at all in the 2 weeks we've had her. So...so far so good.





I played in a soccer tournament last weekend. My team seems to think I'm a good goalie because I'm not scared to get knocked down or to take other people out if they are in my way...so... I played the very stressful position of goalie for 6 games in 107 degree heat. It was not my most favorite weekend of the year I'll tell ya that! And to top it off, I dove for a ball, which I got and had control of...well the player on the other team didn't care and she purposely ran over me and my hand in the process with her cleats. Well... the old Jenn came out of me, and before I realized what I was doing I popped up and slammed her ass down to the grass. Got in her face and asked her "what the F did she think she was doing running me over after 3 seconds of me already having the ball" well of course we both got yellow carded and had to leave the game. But man it was worth it taking her down. I got off the field and onto the sidelines where I asked a teammate to help me take off my goalie gloves. Once I got my right glove off I realized something was wrong... My middle knuckle was half the size of a walnut shell and already purple and blue. The little witch broke my middle finger when she stomped on it and bruised the tendon in my wrist. Which make me even more happy that I slammed her ass to the ground after it all! I know... I know... I should have better self control...but come on! We're not teens anymore, we all have to go to work the next day, and there's no reason to intentionally jump on someones hand with cleats. So...now I'm doing my very hands on job with only 1 good hand. Not so easy when I'm working with the 2 and 3 year olds.....


Crys and I are trying to plan a trip up to Portland. (Donna you and I like to take turns, it seems when you go, I decide I need to go, and when I get back you seem to be taking a trip up there ;-)
We're going to try to camp in the Redwoods one night on the way up there and then 1 night on the way back. I really love that Crys likes to camp. Its one of my favorite things to do. Just get away for everything. Live very basically. No cell phones, no honking horns. Just roasted hot dogs, marshmallows, and the smell of dew in the morning. :-)

I think that's about it as far as the newest happenings in my life... Not very exciting and all tiring at the same time. I am definitely enjoying 3 full days off. I haven't had 3 days off in months! I normally work a Saturday morning case for a few house. Which means I work on average 5 1/2 days a week.

It was a beautiful day here in Sac. About 75 degrees with about 10 mph breeze. Gotta love the Delta Breeze! I played outside as long as my allergies would let me. :-)

So there you have it. A snap shot of my past month.

I hope you all had a very wonderful 3 day weekend as well. I'm going to eat a turkey burger and take some time to go through all of your pages.

Thanks again to all of you who checked in on me. Its always nice to be thought about!

Small Steps

Just a small piece of late braking news for those who are passionate about, live with, or love someone who is effected by autism.

It is a little bitter sweet due to the fact that the answer is still missing, but proof that small steps will get you to great places with time and determination.

http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-na-autism29-2009apr29,0,4441598.story

Hope this finds you all having a peaceful day.

So much to say!!!

It has felt like forever since I"ve blogged anything worth typing. I've been on a bit of a "Self Pilgrimage" So many things have happened in the past 2 months that have really made me stop and re-evaluate...well...just about everything. So much that I can't even put it to words. While I was in the middle of this process it was very uncomfortable. I had to ask myself questions I didn't want to answer, I had to re-evaluate relationships/friendships. My own morals and ethics. How I want to deal with others morals and ethics. Rediscover my old strengths that I forgot about and found new ones along the way. It all sounds so wonderful doesn't it.... haha, well looking in the "mirror" for me has never been wonderful, but I can do it.

I cried. It had been so long since I'd had a good cry. I"m great at sucking them back and instead becoming internally angry. Well....that doesn't serve me anymore. So... now I let them fall. And it feels good. Maybe not at the time, but afterwards, there is a bit of peace. A kind of gift that I gave to myself...expression..

My easter went better than I expected. I drove the 200 miles down to my parents on that shitty freeway 99. Those who do not live in Cali wont understand it, but...it sucks. haha. My parents were perfectly fake. They danced around issues. They didn't ask any specific questions about Crys and I, though I shared a bit with them because that is my reality and I am their daughter. And the main reason for going down there....my 87 year old gram. I love that woman more than just about anything. I would do anything for her, all she's have to do is say in her Arkansas accent "Jenny, could you please......." and I'd drive down there and do it. No questions asked. (ohhh and she's the ONLY one allowed to call me Jenny. Not sure why, but she gets away with it. hehe) I asked her the night before easter if I could walk over (she lives across the street from my parents) and have coffee with her in the morning before she went to church. Of course she said yes, I asked her what time she'd like me over, and my jaw dropped when she said "well is 6 too early?" I replied "Of course not lady! You're my gram and I'll wake up at midnight to have coffee with you!" She laughed and gave me a hug, even though in my head I was thinking "Ohhh god 6 am, and I know I"m not going to be able to fall asleep until at least 2am". But I made it there on time! We had coffee, and she made me fried eggs and toast and bacon. Folks...... let me share something with you....haha I can not eat breakfast. It hurts my stomach. I normally drink a protein drink or something. But she started cooking and I was not about to complain. Even t hough I RARELY eat fried anything and really don't like bacon at all.... I sat there and ate that god awful fried egg, bacon, and toast and smiled. I went to the bathroom 20 min later and threw it up due to the richness of it all, but she didn't know and it was completely worth it to share that time with her. She does not know about Crys. Nor does she need to. She is 87 years old. A divot Southern Baptist, and would not at all understand or condone Crys and I. Our years together are limited, and I don't want them to be altered by something that she doesn't need to know about. My parents agree with me on this.
So...Easter weekend was smooth. And that feels really nice to say for once. :-) Every other year I was lying on why I had to go back that night, going outside to call crys, coming up with excuse after excuse as to why I didn't have a boyfriend. Definitely a nice change.


Ohhh and the weekend after that....well..... I GOT HITCHED. haha. well as hitched as I can be here in California. After a lot of work and counseling Crys and I have found each other again. How we were in the beginning. Life sort of made us lose track of why we loved each other so much. Well, we found it again and its stronger than ever. And since we are getting a house we wanted it to be legally binding that if something were to happen to the other no one (IE my family) could take the house from the other, or the belongings within the house. ) We didn't have a wedding, but documents were signed and notarized. So...we're as married as married can be. Hahaha though we've lived "married life" for the past 7 years....

As for the house...Well as my dear friend Donna said early on in the process "expect hangups!" Well....There has been a huge hang up for the past month. The bank doesn't want to pay the 1000 dollars its going to take to fix the electrical box for the house. The electrical box needs fixed so the power can be turned on for the inspection. So now...legal stuff is happening due to the fact that the vandalized power box was not disclosed before putting the offer in and I can't pay the 1000 myself because I don't own the house and can't make repairs until I do. So...after May 1st the bank can back out of the contract and offer it to cash only buyers. ....... :-( I really hope that doesn't end up happening. I'm trying to tell myself "there's a reason for everything"


So guys/gals. That's me in a nutshell right now. There's so much more...but you get the idea with this briefing. Ohhhhh 1 more huge things!!!! I'm going to be an aunt to a baby girl!!!! Hehe I knew it was going to be a girl. I'm stoked! :-D

Hope you all are doing well. I am so sorry I haven't been able to make it around as much as I would like to. Life is settling down a bit now, so hopefully I can do more "drop bys" :-)